To Invite or not to Invite

Dear Abby:
When do you initiate hanging out with a friend and when do you wait for them to initiate it? I have several friends here who I feel I pretty consistently invite to eat supper together or watch a movie. They always accept and seem to enjoy the time, but they never reciprocate. Is this like a dating relationship? Do I invite them so that they lose interest in hanging out with me? Do I need to wait for them to invite me to do something?

I feel like I understand most social situations, and I don't sense that I have any awkward social tendencies that would prevent others from inviting me to hang out, but I'm not sure why they haven't reciprocated the invite. What do you think?

Are you a Model?

No, this question was not directed to me. It was directed to my very tall and slim Russian classmate. I think it's a little interesting the way people in China are so direct about age and appearance. I know this is an old topic that I've probably written about already in my blog, but the fact that I continue writing about it, shows I haven't fully adjusted to this part of culture.

The other day in class, our new teacher, (a younger male teacher) was talking with some classmates during the break. He asked my tall classmate to stand up. And then in Chinese he said, "Wow! You're tall like a model." I feel like if a professor in the States said this, the students might feel uncomfortable. It's odd when a teacher makes a comment that implies he thinks one of the students looks like a model. It makes me instantly suspicious that the teacher is checking out the students. Of course, teachers in the states probably notice the appearance of the students, but they probably don't make comments about it to the class. I guess in China, it's perfectly acceptable to share your thoughts about one's appearance.

The next day in class, the same professor was teaching us the vocab word to talk about growing fat. They have a verb noun phrase here that means one has put on weight. Our professor used this phrase to describe his wife. Interesting. I don't even think he was kidding. Maybe I'm just super sensitive to such comments about people's appearance, ever since one of my high school classmates told me I was "thick," but I just have not adjusted to comments about people's appearance, and I pretty consistently feel annoyed when people make comments like this, professor, friend, or other.

Uncle Shu Shu

We call our gate-keeper "Shu shu" which means "uncle" in Chinese. He's kind and greets us everyday (numerous times) with a smile and a joke. His favorite joke is to pretend to give your mail to some other foreigner even though he knows it's not their mail. Then, when the foreigner realizes its not his/her mail, Shu shu will smile and say he knows. Then, he will tell that foreigner that their momma doesn't love them and that's the reason they don't have any mail. It's a long standing joke, and it never gets old (well, okay it gets a little old sometimes.) But it's really a great joke for all of us as we don't know a lot of Chinese; we can all pretty much understand that joke.

When we receive a package, Shu shu is also the one who holds our package and has us sign for it. One time when I went to pick up my package, I could see that he had meticulously written my name in English beside the slot where I was to sign. It looked like something a second grader might have written, but I was very impressed because Shu shu has never studied English much less English writing. I asked him if he had written my name himself, and he shyly nodded his head. I praised his English hand-writing and of course, he deferred my compliment, but I think secretly, he felt happy with his hand-writing.

The other day, we were eating at a restaurant near our apartment, and Uncle "Shu shu" happened to be there with some other people. He came over to our table and offered his glass of "water" to my team-mate. She took one whiff and could tell it was clearly hard liquor. She smiled and told him he was a little naughty. Then he laughed and went to sit back down. Even though he teases us, we all really like Shu shu, and I think his wife (who works the noon shift at the gate) very well might be an angel.

A Dream of Fluffy Muffins

Last night I had a dream that several people were making breakfast in our apartment and giving a presentation on China. As a result, I woke up extra early this morning to see if someone had indeed prepared breakfast. To my dismay, no breakfast was there. Only a cold, abandoned kitchen. There's something comforting about someone making breakfast for you. The sounds of pots and pans banging together is like a verbal promise of good things to come. I also love it when the breakfast smells waft around the house and into my room. If I made breakfast for my room-mates, it wouldn't really work because I arise about 2 hours before them, so the good intentions would be cold already. But maybe I should try to do this for them once a month. It seems like it would be well-received.

Revelations Come in Spurts that Hurt

Do you ever wake up and wonder, "What is the purpose here?" I've been waking up feeling that way a lot. The grander purpose I can see and understand...but the smaller ways the purpose work itself out in daily life...wow--it feels pretty silly some days. Maybe it's the result of having too much vacation time (5 weeks). I've learned how to say in Chinese, "The rest has made me lazy."
There's a great verb in Chinese that means both "to let and to make" (there aren't two verbs for it.) So, it's easy to remember.

Hair Comes the Bride

I have a lot of friends that are engaged right now..(a lot being 4 or 5), and I notice that they all have longish hair (in longish, I mean their hair is at least past their shoulders). Now, I have also heard it said that guys really go for women who have longer hair. To debunk this theory, I can think of one or two of my friends who have gotten married sporting short hair. In general though, it would seem that most women approach that alter with either long tresses spiraling down their back or with their long locks pinned ferociously and gracefully in place with glittery clips. I haven't seen too many women walking down the aisle with short, messy hair, or a cute little bob hair-cut.

Clearly, I need to further investigate this social phenomenal. And I'm wondering if the 2 male readers out there could also share their opinion on this topic. Would you agree that my theory is in part true? And if so, isn't it a slight conspiracy that no one is telling the single women out there that the true reason they have not met anyone has nothing to do with character development or "the right timing" but rather their hair style?

Bakery Worker

In just 5 days, I’ll be heading back to the classroom for intensive, academic study. Okay, I guess I make it sound a little more serious than it is. It’s still pretty serious, but I’m hoping to be more light-hearted and laugh at myself more this semester.
It’s off to a good start though. Despite the rainy, grey weather, the semester’s off to a good start. I’m consciously aware of my need to interact more everyday with Chinese people. My friend and I just got back from a Chinese bakery. This is a little more upscale bakery with actual doors and tables and chairs. The cakes and breads also look amazing. But the best part of this bakery was the friendly staff. There were about 5 college aged women standing around complimenting us on our Chinese. It made me want to visit their store and buy their bread everyday  such an encouragement. As we were walking out, one of the workers also ran over to us and asked if we could be friends. I was very happy to be asked this question. A lot of people want you to be their friend so that you can help them with their English, but she did not seem to have this agenda and could barely speak English so I think her request was pretty legitimate. I’m excited to hopefully become friends with the bakery worker and other people like her.

I'm Back!

Yesterday I flew the last leg of the journey from Shenzhen to Changsha. Almost immediately after crossing over from Hong Kong to Shenzhen, I noticed differences in the culture. Most of the people waiting at gate number 30 with me were simply sitting there... no multi-tasking going on; no one was reading or knitting or playing games, just a lot of sitting and some light text messaging.

I also noticed that there was some "double pretty" going on. (Double pretty deserves a blog entry in itself) but basically "double pretty" is a word coined by foreigners to mean an outfit that has several pretty and cutesy components happening at the same time but not really complimenting each other. For example, I noticed that one Chinese woman sitting across from me was wearing a navy dress with some large paisley print on it. she was also wearing very loud and large light pink earrings that had little balls on the end. Finally, she was wearing brown slip on dress shoes that had cream colored fur on the toe. The outfit as a whole was simply too "pretty" shall we say. One of those elements (the paisley dress, the big pink earrings, the fur-tuffed slippers) happening at a time would be enough, but all together the look exemplified "double pretty."

And finally, people were starting to stare a little more at the foreigner. After being away for such a long time though, I didn't even mind. In fact, I breathed a sigh of relief and thought, "I'm back."

Airplane Food

This was the snack from my most recent China flight. It consisted of a boiled tea egg, dried fruit, and 2 packs of crackers. Interesting and marginally enjoyable.

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's Valentine's Day today. I'm on an island off the coast of Hong Kong; there are no vehicles allowed on this island, and I feel pretty much detached from the world. In fact, I would have completely forgotten that it was Valentine's Day except for my traveling buddy, Amber, who left me a peach iced tea and 8 Hershey kisses on my bed. It was happiness. It's the little things that make these holidays special. If you have a close friend, a spouse, a mentor, find that little thing that you can do to tell them you love them today.

When I think of Valentine's Day, I think of that one special year back when I was a freshman in High School. I received a very romantic, meaningful present, ...but from the wrong guy. It was from a guy in my class who had had a crush on me for a few years. I think he liked me because we were both short:) The gift was some chocolate, a balloon, and a gushy card. Again, a very great gift but not from someone I was interested in. I felt special and kind of disturbed all at once.

Here are some gifts that I think girls would really like to receive on Valentine's Day: home-made anything (especially food)
a poem or short story dedicated to the girl
jewelry or perfume
flowers (especially wild ones that you picked out in the field)
pastries (yum)
heart shaped pizza (again that you made)
Women who are reading this, can you think of anything else that you would really enjoy receiving on Valentine's Day?

Hong Kong Style

I feel like I will perpetually be an outsider as long as I live in Asia. These past few days in Hong Kong have been exciting, but also stressful. We really stick out here amidst the ultra-trendy Hong Kongians. Women have burberry scarves wrapped around their shoulders and over-sized leather purse bags. Even the men here carry Louis Vutton man purses to and from work. The men also wear suits, tailored suits, over ties and sharply pressed, button-down shirts. Most people here also wear greys and blacks, trendy dark-framed glasses, and black leather shoes or boots.
My traveling buddies and I on the other hand, have just come from Thailand and have nothing but tropical clothes that we've been wearing pretty hard core for the past 3 weeks. Needless to say, our chacos, worn out jeans, and bright T-shirts make us clear misfits in this up and coming city. Right now, we are staying at a retreat center, and I'm perfectly content to stay put and not be in the cosmopolitcan center of Hong Kong for a few days.

It's funny because on the mainland, we are also misfits but for very different reasons. There, people simply look at us because we are white. It wouldn't really matter what we wear on the mainland, we are outsiders. But here, we are outsiders because our clothes are not up to par with the most modern fashions. Oh dear, forever an underdog and outsider.

Hiking in Hong Kong

The travel saga continues. It's now the fourth week of travel, and I'm pretty ready to be at home, but I'm also really enjoying all the cool things I get to see and experience. Right now, 3 friends and I are staying in Hong Kong. Yesterday, we had a chance to go hiking on the cliffy banks that overlook the ocean. Despite the overcast skies, the hike itself was beautiful. Yesterday, there was some kind of senior citizen hiking club on the trails. So, there was a group of about 150 Hong Kong natives, all 60 years or older, hiking. About half of them had walking sticks and the other half didn't appear to need them. It was interesting trying to pass people who are hiking with their walking sticks though... I felt like I was trying to pass three legged cattle...it's tricky to predict which step they'll choose. I was impressed though to see so many older people out on these trails; it was no simple hike, and the agility of these people was very impressive. And, some of the more sprite men were even passing us with apparent ease.

At the end of our hike, there was a beautiful beach with the sandy white sand that should be a requirement for all beaches. We sat at a little cafe that overlooked the beach and had a lunch. There was a cafe there with a lot of foreign entries on the menu. Three of us split a hawain pizza and a taco wrap. In a word, happiness. The taco wrap even had sour cream and guacamole...both ingredients that I can only dream about while living in China.

Fruitcake in a snack box

I love eating airplane food. I look forward to it in the same way I looked forward to milk break during Elementary school. It’s not that the food is that delicious. In fact, it often doesn’t have much flavor or it is dry, but it is the excitement of the unknown and the fact that they are giving you food for “free.” Recently, I was on a Thai Air flight. Thai Air is known for their posh treatment of guests. Even though the flight was only one hour long, they made sure that we had a sufficient snack /meal. As they started passing out the little purple box, I could see the excitement of the woman next to me. And sure enough, when she opened that box and saw fruit cake and fruit juice, she clapped her hands with joy. Now, I don’t make a habit of eating fruit cake. In fact, it eludes me why people even make fruit cake. But when it was given to me in the context of Thai air, it seemed better than a slice of chocolate mousse pie. I opened the package and begin to explore the mysteries within this fruit cake. I was happy to find some raisins, a few mystery gummy candies, and a few mint pieces. Not bad. I continued eating, awed at my own delight in fruit cake. Along with the fruit cake, our box also contained fruit juice, a mix of pineapple and orange juice and creamer and sugar for the coffee that the flight attendants were offering. It was great. Those Thai flight attendants no sooner had passed out the purple snack boxes, than were they circulating the aisles filling up people’s plastic mugs with tea or coffee. I opted for coffee and found that it complimented the fruit cake quite nicely.

Thailand...why I love it.

I've been in Thailand for nearly 3 weeks now, and the list of why I like it is growing by the day. Where to start?
1. fresh, strong coffee
2. fresh, cheap tropical fruit
3. warm weather . . everyday.
4. coffee shops all over the place
5. used bookstores all over the place
6. hanging out with friends
7. a wonderful mix of 90's music in restaurants
8. cheap transportation
9. no snow
10. cheap massages

I have only a few complaints with Thailand
1. coffee shops don't open up until later (8:00 or 9:00 in the morning)
2. prostitution is obvious and rampant
3. pushy salespeople (it's hard to bargain here)