Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Poem Post

Hey all. I want to join some poetry writing contests. Why not? Life is short!
So, I'm looking for some hard-core comments and suggestions about this poem. I just plunked it out; it took me about 5 minutes or so, therefore, your comments are substantial. I'm going to try and crank out a poem a day for the next week. Let me know your thoughts or at least throw some verbal tomatoes at your monitor. :)

Here I sit

perplexed and haunted.

Alone, yet surrounded

and covered in thoughts

my own…

and others’ too.

I want to run away from myself

from my mind.

I can’t turn it off…

it ticks through useless information

about words spoken

glances cast

and words spoken

in jest.

To be here

punched out, yet mentally

working always.

Perplexed, and haunted

yet somehow content.

Still wanting an escape

from you and your glances

and your words spoken

in jest…or not?


Jenny - AKA - frogmama said...

I relate to your poem. since you asked for CC, I guess I'd share that there seems to be redundant phrases whether those were intentional or not ("jest" and "words spoken") Maybe rephrase these so they don't distract the reader?

Thank you for your transparency. I know you don't even know me but I find sometimes during my days I'll happen to think of whatever recent post you posted and then I remember to pray for you in this transition and in your contentment.

Reflections said...

Nice rhyme

Good times

Even when

The clock chimes!

Portia said...

Hey there Jenny and Ruth.
Good thoughts. Jenny, the redundancy is supposed to be for effect. But, if it's distracting, then that's bad news bears. I will rework it a bit. Mom, love the rhyming response poem. Bonus poem.

Norman & Joyce said...

We like it. The repetition of "words spoken" emphasizes the very different meanings of "glances cast" and "in jest."