This is a hard and vulnerable post for me to write, but I feel it is time. At the beginning of this year, I was really inspired to refine my writing skills. I was busy applying for jobs to teach writing or literature at community colleges. I was optimistic and full of lots of writing ideas. I frequently read other writers' blogs and found that their words felt so much like the things that my heart wanted to say in my own blog. By writing in my blog, I was keeping my writing skills up to par while staying hopeful about the future.
But in honesty, I have also had a selfish motive to my blog as well: I wanted people to read about my life in order for me to feel as though my life was meaningful or had purpose. The more visits my blog received and the more comments I got, the more I felt that my life, my words were significant.
But this is wrong thinking, and I repent for it. I don't want to write to feel as though my stories and my life are meaningful. It is meaningful because of who I am in Christ. To help me focus on that significance, I have to rid myself of this other false sense of significance.
If my blog has encouraged, amused, inspired, or convicted any of you in the past year, then writing has been worth it. But for me right now, I need to find my worth in something, someone else.