Saturday, June 18, 2011

Fears about returning Home

I know that fear is not a healthy or positive thing, but it's also a relatively natural thing, and I am sure having my fair share of it. "What fears are you having?" you might be wondering.

Well, they go something like this:
1. Fear of driving.
I never have been a great driver. I go the speed limit (which is frowned upon in MN); I often watch the sky for tornadoes; I have a recurring fear that the wheels on my car are going to fall off, you know....standard driving concerns.

2. Fear of not fitting in.
In China, we don't fit in, and we know it. Everywhere we go, we are pointed at and stared at. "Foreigners, look!" "Where are they from?" and so on and so on. In America, how will I adjust to fitting in. What if I just continue to walk around feeling like I don't fit in? Will people know I feel this way? Will I emit a kind of "awkward" chemical that makes being normal impossible.

3. Fear of changed relationships.
Let's face it: After 4 years of not living near family and former friends, not only the relationships, but also the people (including myself) have changed. I am afraid I will want to really connect with old friends only to discover that those previous points where we bonded so well cannot be found again.

There are some more fears, but I can't remember them and it's late, and I think even these small fears I have mentioned will have lessened by tomorrow.

3 comments:

Norman & Joyce said...

Perhaps, fear is preparation for good times ahead.

Reflections said...

Fear not, for I am with you. Don't be dismayed for I am your G. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you by my righteous hand. Is 41:10

Jayme said...

What do you think about the fear of everyone thinking you fit in when you feel so abnormal and different having lived in such a different culture? That's what I fear