There’s a certain sadness that comes when your baby crosses over from being a cuddly infant to being a wiggly toddler. The feeling was so subtle that I almost missed it. But no, there it was nestled right below the business of caring for a one year old. I noticed it when I realized that I could still squeeze out an ounce of milk even though Malachi has been done nursing now for 3 weeks. I noticed it when I went to snuggle with him, but he wanted to climb out of my arms and play with his toys instead. I notice it everytime I pick him up, and he is half my length and 23 pounds already.
As a new mom, I foresee that all of Malachi’s growth milestones are going to feel somewhat bittersweet. Of course, I am happy that he is developing and reaching those milestones. And it will not be too long before he is walking yet too. But I also miss the stage of cuddling him and letting him nap on my chest. For as long as those mid-night feedings seemed, I almost cant remember how it felt already, and it leaves me a little sad. My husband and I don’t know whether or not we will be able to have more children. God alone know these things, and we don’t assume that even though it might be our plan, that it is necessarily a given.