It's conference here for us members of "teaching organization in China." We are enjoying the sunny Thailand weather, the iced coffee, the Thai massages, the awesome fellowship, the amazing teaching, and the times of worship. Along with this time of year also comes decisions about the future.
It's hard for me to embrace that I need to go home, but at the same time, I feel the need very strongly. My heart in Asia, my personal walk, has largely grown cold and stale. This past year has been one of obedience, but not the kind that is bringing any joy. Maybe it has been an obedience born out of a sense of duty or a misunderstanding of the Father's power. Duty and misunderstanding seldom bring unashamed joy; I don't want my heart to be trapped in this place of wondering and confusion for another year.
Some people might be confused by this decision. "Weren't you unsure last year too about your decision?"
"Yes," I answer hesitantly.
"But that makes me all the more sure of this year's decision."
And with that, all the hard-core sold out for Asia dudes lose interest in me. And I feel saved the bother of having to overly contemplate them.
As a girl, I want to be special in and of myself.
I don't want to have to be committed to a place, or an organization, in order for someone to decide he's interested in me.
There is freedom in this realization. And this freedom is bringing about joy, a different kind of joy. A joy knowing that wherever I live, I need to be walking with the Father. What a joy to realize that the Father's work in my life is not limited to geography, or the promise of companionship, or to my own limited understanding of His plan for my life.