On the bus. . .

This past week-end, I took the bus several times to the center of the city. I sometimes get tired of the bus, but if I have my ipod with me and some groovy tunes or a message playing I don’ t mind. This particular trip, a senior citizen lady at the front of the bus was saying some heated words to the bus driver. She was also directing her words to all the people on the bus, but since she was using the local dialect and speaking quite heatedly, I couldn’t catch what she was saying. The bus driver was also exchanging words, only his words seemed twice as loud as the old ladies’. At one stop, he even stood up and threw up his hands in exasperation. An older man at the back of the bus, near to where I was sitting also got in on the argument. “Just drive the bus mister,” said the man across the aisle from me.

The bickering continued on between the older lady and the bus driver, and finally, the bus stopped at a place which was clearly not a stop and the lady got off the bus cursing the bus driver as she did.

At the next stop, I got off the bus as did the man who had joined in the quarrel. I was very curious as to what could ignite such a passionate argument between two strangers on the bus, so I asked the man.”Excuse me sir,” I said. “What was the problem on the bus.”

“The bus driver was smoking. “

??? I respond with a blank look.

“The bus driver was smoking, but it’s not legal to smoke on the bus. The lady confronted the bus driver, and he lost his temper.”

“Oh, I see. Yes, that was not very good of the bus driver to break the rules. Thanks for helping translate,” I say, and we part ways.

I can understand how annoying it is when people smoke on the bus since literally every other bus I take in Hengyang has someone smoking it up. But, I hardly feel like it was worthy of their passionate exchange. Just more proof that eating spicy Hunan food makes people spicy and that people here need J.

Thoughts on orphans (part 2)

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a girl at the orphanage center named Lulu. (see post Thoughts on Orphans) Recently God has changed my heart towards her. Instead of seeing her as the antithesis at the center, I see her as the person who needs the most love. Instead of waiting for her to need attention and seek it in negative ways, we try to lavish on her positive attention.

One of the main ways to give her attention is to dance with her. She loves to dance, and she loves to dance with a partner. Lucky for her, I also love to dance and sing, so I’m more than happy to accompany her. Most of the time, we dance in the room that has all the toddler like kids, (who are actually 4 or 5 years old) sitting in red, car-seat like chairs propped against the wall. We dance back and forth in front of them. I usually sing one of the two or three songs I know in Chinese, and then I revert to “I could have danced all night” and Fiddler on the Roof’s “Sunrise, Sunset.”

Lulu still lashes out, and I’m personally still a bit scared of her when she does especially after my friend showed me the purple bite mark that Lu lu left on her. But, it also seems like Lulu is able to respond to discipline. My friend will stand with her against the wall in a kind of “time-out.” This is the only discipline though that Lu Lu seems to get though since the Chinese carers have said that Lulu is beyond control and if she wants something they simply have to give it to her or she will lose her temper and start beating up the other kids.

In their eyes, there is no point to discipline her as it only sets her off and makes their job of caring for her more difficult. But in a way, the failure to discipline Lulu is also a visible mark of the failure to love her. I heard a message by Matt Chandler who had this to say about discipline: “Discipline does not ensure love, but love necessarily produces discipline.” And his words are consistent with what the writer of Hebrews tell us about discipline: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11). The lack of discipline in this child, in these childrens' lives, is creating a dark and difficult road for their future. Oh that I would have the courage to love to the extent of disciplining in the face of rage and sharp teeth.

Reflection on a non-traditional Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving was special. I didn’t eat any turkey, or stuffing, or broccoli bacon salad, or zweiback smothered with raspberry jam, or pumpkin pie, or sweet potatoes. I did not sing a stirring rendition of “We gather together” with family and friends. I did not watch or play football; I did not hold a baby. I did not lay around or play games. And yet, this Thanksgiving was meaningful to me in another way. Meaningful in a way where traditions and things that I sometimes cling to too tightly lose their importance in the face of life. Meaningful in a similar way that hopefully everyday of our life carries some meaning if we are faithful to seek it.

This Thanksgiving, I told my friends, I celebrated the day in my heart. “How does one celebrate Thanksgiving in one’s heart” you might be wondering. Well, for me, I made sure to call or touch base with the important people in my life. This resulted in about 2 to 3 hours of unhurried skype time. Then, I also had a lovely lunch of dumplings with 2 dear team-mates. (Extra bonus: Jenn shared a piece of banana cream pie with me). Next, I enjoyed writing some cards to friends and family. And finally, I accompanied a friend to the hospital. Being in the hospital made me extra thankful for 2 things: 1) western medicine and 2) health. I looked over at some of the other patients in the room. An older man in the last bed had skin that was starting to turn very yellow and I felt that his time to fly would not be long at all. His grown children seemed to know it too in their down-cast and blood-shot eyes.

In the evening, I went to the fellowship with a small group of students. We sat together and chatted happily on the bus. The topic at the meeting was also good fodder for deeper conversations to discuss on the bus ride home. After that, I enjoyed a milk tea with 2 of the students who seemed reluctant to return to their dormitories. The topic of our conversation? True love. And although I’m older than both of these students by nearly a decade, my feeling was that they have both tasted it more than I have. But on this particular evening, I was surprisingly not jealous of them in the least and felt very content to sip milk tea, letting it settle pleasantly in my belly, listening to their experiences, and marveling at the mystery of relationships.

The shopkeeper

The word for pistachio in Chinese is literally translated "happy nut" (开心果)。The other day, I bought myself a little package of this delightful treat and explained to the shopkeeper how nuts make a healthy snack. He looked at me withwarning eyes and said, "but you shouldn't eat too many, or it's easy to get fat." I waved the small little package in front of him and asked, "Is this considered a lot of nuts? Plus, it will take me 3 or 4 days to eat this package." He looked at me in surprise and asked, "How?"
"Self-control" I responded.
I really enjoy all the little health tips the shop keeper gives. It doesn't really matter what I buy, he always throws in some extra advice for free. When I buy tea, he will tell me that it's better to buy the tea leaves and not the bottles of tea. When I buy milk, he will ask me how I use it and scold me when I tell him it's for coffee. "Coffee is not good for you."
As of recent, the boss has often not been in the store and instead, one of his relatives will be working the counter. The relative will ask you how much the item is that you want to buy. If you don't remember how much it costs, they just might refuse to sell it to you because they are afraid of cheating you.

Around the Town Photos

(Shoe shiner ladies)



Hengyang, a crossroads

Chinglish

"Chinglish: Of or relating to a language in which both English and Chinese words are used together in order to express a meaning."

On a cat pen: “My happy memories, I dream a sweet dream of the day. . .”

On the cover of a little notebook: “Please don’t drink orange juice after brush teeth or you will be die.”

On the pages of that same little jewel of a notebook: “Knowledge is a David’s deer; it could make us run pretended.”

A few pages later in that notebook: "Feeding a bird is much better than a dog 'cus she will sing songs for me."

Another notebook: "What snacks do you like best? I like raisins and kebabs."

(Two students from Thanksgiving get-together)

Dating 101

This past week, we have been discussing dating in our sophomore lesson. I like teaching this topic quite a bit because I always learn something about the Chinese student’s ideas toward dating, while simultaneously being forced to confront and explain America’s dating culture.

The students’ own experience of dating varies greatly from class to class, row to row, and desk to desk. In one class, for example, I have a student who has professed to have already had 16 boyfriends (she’s 20.) Another student, when asked to discuss if she’d ever been on a date with someone she couldn’t stand laughed and said, “Of course not; We don’t date.”

So, some students still think the idea of a boyfriend is comical while some have already familiarized themselves quite ambitiously with the dating world.

Here are a few things that blow students away about dating culture in America:

a. That it’s common for people to start dating in High School.

b. That not all dating couples are having sex.

c. That some people do wait until marriage to have sex.

d. That we don’t have to know someone for 6 months to a year before dating them.

e. That some couples will take turns paying for the meal when they are dating (this is a guess for me.)

f. That the average American man will have 7 sexual partners in his life and the average American woman will have 4. (This seemed high and I cursed American morals when I wrote this statistic on the board.)

After talking to my team-mates about the lesson, I decided to also introduce the “True Love Waits” campaign to the students. I explained what it means and then said that some people will sign a card when they are adolescents saying they will wait to have sex until marriage. I think the students had never heard of something like this before. A lot of their dating information comes from sex-laden shows like Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girls. One curious student yelled out, “What do you think about "True Love Waits?”

“I agree with it!” I responded. “And so my number of partners is still 0 because I’m not married yet.”

The students stared at me awkwardly, seeing me through a new lens. And a couple of students, I fear, were also counting their own numbers. At this moment, I was aware of the sensitive nature of the topic, so I quickly said, “And you can talk to me more outside of class about this topic because it’s a little embarrassing to discuss.” So far, no takers to bring it up again, but we will just wait and see.

It’s no wonder as some of them are very shy even about dating someone. I have seen a student walking down the street, holding hands with her boyfriend, but when she saw me, she quickly let go of his hand (as if I might not have seen it.) Another freshman student told my team-mate that she heard horrid rumors that some of her classmates were “kissing each other with tongue.”

Unfortunately, this innocence seems lost a little bit more each year as students progress from freshman to seniors. By the time they are juniors and seniors, I guess about half of them will have boyfriends / girlfriends and some of them will live off campus, sharing a cheap room with their boyfriend. Also, it’s my understanding that some junior and senior girls become mistresses for wealthy business men in the city. I know we also have this phenomena in America, but for some reason, it outrages me more here knowing the innocence that most of the students start with and the moral filth that seems to sneak in so quickly.